Race Recap//What defines failure?
This was my proudest race to date, and I was QUITE close to it not being that way. Why? because of my fear of failure - a realization I had at the starting line.
For the week leading up to the race, I was making final decisions on HOW I was going to run this race. My goal was 5:15:00, so I thought I would go with the exact pace to get me this time, and then in the last 15-20km push it out harder if I had it in me. FORTUNATELY, I have a champion of a boyfriend who told me all week I could do it sub 5:00:00. The thought of this made me NERVOUS. I was scared that my body wasn't strong enough, that my knee wouldn't hold up, and that it was actually impossible because I normally spend about 5 minutes of a race this length lined up at porta-potties... so I easily brushed off the idea of sub 5:00:00.
At the starting line, as I was surrounded by the light and love of thousands of other runners, I came to the realization that my TRUE problem was that I was afraid to fail. I was afraid to push myself to get sub 5:00:00, for the fear my knee would give out and I would have to walk it or take a DNF (did not finish). THEN I had the following thought process:
1.) You can play it safe, within your comfort zone, and most likely get your 5:15:00 goal
2.) You can TRUST your body, push it, and try to achieve something you never imagined
3.) You will be a hypocrite if you choose option #1, you always encourage your students, friends, and family to go outside of their comfort zone
4.) Option #1 is NOT my best. You HAVE to do your best. You spent hundreds of hours training for this, why would you put forth anything short of EVERYTHING?
5.) Failure, to me, is giving less than your best.
6.) Option #2 it is.
7.) GAME PLAN TIME!!!
There I was, moments before the race re-planning my pace and shifting my focus. I had to make some intentional decisions. One of them being to NOT let myself use a porta-pottie if there was a line up. *I only ended up stopping once around the 22km mark.* And beyond this, the MOST intentional decision: YOU ARE GOING TO DO THIS.
The race kicked off and I felt like I was crusin!! And I REALLY was! I had negative split times the whole way through (meaning I was continually running faster), and I ran a PB for my marathon distance 4:06:38!! yay!! The first 38km TRULY did go incredibly well. I was able to hold a strong pace, and my body felt great. However, the thing I find crazy is how all it takes is ONE stride for your body to say, "NO!" I went from SOOOOO strong, to so terrible. It was my knee that normally doesn't bug me that completely went. I lost most of my range of motion... it was stiff, cramping, burning, and in so much pain. After pushing through for a couple of km I pulled over to try and massage/stretch it out a bit. I couldn't figure out what was causing the pain (knee pain can somehow be triggered from basically ANY part of your body), so I chose to just carry on. Moments later, my iPod died - little did I know that this was going to be the BEST thing that could have happened to me. I was running at nearly the same pace as another athlete for a moment and he took the breathe to ask me how I was doing. I shared with him my knee wasn't doing too hot, but I knew that I could do it. We talked for a few minutes, and reminded each other the power our minds have. He completely renewed my energy. HAD my iPod not died, this would have never happened.
It was a painful final 12 km, that is for sure. Somehow in the last km (and even more so in the last 500m), I was able to completely shut off the pain and go hard. It felt UNREAL to finish strong. It felt even more unreal to have my amazing man, dearest old friends, and loveliest new friends to share this moment with at the finish line.
NOW - before I wrap this up. Let me share with you the things that went SO right during this race: I had woke up every morning with a headache the entire week leading up to the race (especially the day before)... for race day it was GONE!! The weather was crumby the entire week leading up to the race... for race day it was ON POINT!! I was SO happy with my pre-race meals, and with my nutrition intake throughout the race! What went the MOST RIGHT, I will share below: I solidified that to me failure is giving less than your best. To GIVE your best, you have to be intentional, and then you have to execute. I intentionally CHOSE that I would rather take a DNF giving it all I've got, than take home a medal that was playing it safe. I took off 29:55 from the exact same race that I had done last year, and I know exactly what the difference was. It was the difference between trying hard, and trying my best.
I am forever grateful for our Gracious God, the power of prayer, my health, and EVERY single ounce of love and support that I have received throughout this entire journey. Bless you guys!!!!
